Wednesday, October 13, 2010

One year ago today

It's been one year since I lost my Grams, it's been one year since we lost Grams. It's been a year.

I can't believe it's been a year, I still cry, I still miss her, I still wish we had more options at the time. However, in a years time, I have come to accept that we didn't have choices. I accept that Grams is in a better place, no matter what you believe in. I accept that Grams was ready to move on. She had told us so for a while.

I will never forget the day, I will never forget the moment she took her last breath. Such heartbreak for those of us still here, and at the same time, such relief for her and the pain she could no longer feel. I feel blessed, I spent so much time with her in her ICU room, I was the last one to hear the words "|I love you" from her. At least that I am aware of. I believe that is one of the last conscious, clear things she spoke towards the end. That is something that I will never forget.

I love you Grandma, so do the kids. We talk about you all the time still, your memory isn't anywhere near faded. We are all still healing, still recovering from losing you, but we'll get there. As a family and for our family, we will get there.

I love you so much and I miss you at least that much. I hope you know and can feel that.

You held my hand.

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