I got approved for the perfect apartment...

But they need a $600.00 damage deposit because of my crappy credit. I have until tomorrow to see if i can come up with it. Uhg! please wish me luck, hope, pray... Whichever you choose that I can pull this togther.

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Omfg rain

Such a long day in the truck with all this cold forking rain. At least I got a shower.

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Soft little rainstorms

Are friggen scary loud when they wake you up at 4:30am. - I have since figured out what freaked me out so much about the rain... Apparently Stephen stepped out of the truck to relieve himself and it started to rain so he jumped back in the truck fast slamming the door behind him. So it was really the door slam that startled me lol. Men :P.

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The design of the sleeping quarters.

Okay this video was actually taken a few days ago, but I haven't been able to upload it before today. We are fairly silly in it the whole time, but yeah, you have to keep a sesne of humor when you're in this type of position.

Omg

It is c c c cold out this morning. Brr! morning 4 waking up in the truck, let's hope I have some luck with resources today.

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Not that this isn't fun and all

But give me a break. Wake up, change into your least worn clothes, find a "public" restroom. Use the toilet and wash everything you can at the sink. (Depending Of course on how public the restroom is.)

Find and park in shade (which is of course fleeting) and open something non-perishable for breakfast even though you would much rather be still rubbing your eyes and pouring a big bowl of Reeses Puffs with skim milk.

Once you're done eating, clean up the truck if you didnt already before bed and find a way to occupy yourself.

I can relate to the line in Zombie Land where they don't want to use the S H O W E R word. Only I am not surrounded by Zombies. Meh.

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I miss

Having a place to just chill. The front seat or the makeshift bed in the back of my truck just aren't cutting it.

I miss lights when they don't attract mosquitoes, risk burning up your battery or your gas.

I miss when the amount of gas only mattered for drives I needed to make.

I miss TV, the computer, the xbox. I am missing True Blood among other thing.

I of course miss my kids, and they miss me. Poor Emma doesn't understand why she can't stay in the truck with mommy.

Sorry, just needed to get some crap off my chest.

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Another thing for the wish list...

Bandaids... This thing HURTS. Steve made a makeshift bandage out of a tampon...

He made it black and white so it doesn't look so gross. I will get an after pic when it stops stinging like a &$%*#.

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Nighttime in the truck...

It's a bit scary, especially when it comes to figuring out where to safely park... every noise makes me jump, but it could be worse, I could not have the SUV.

The fan at night, blankets are hung for privacy.

Looking out the front of the truck. We made a shelf out of the back seats once folded.

The passenger seat holds most of our needed belongings.

Another pic out the back, I should have done these during the day. I'll get better ones in the morning.

Pictures of truck living?

We found a pond... I gathered fallen feathers.

Okay... this is just a big pile of blankets, not too exciting.

Steve rigged up a fan for me using a computer fan and the light socket thingy.

There, they're captioned. :)

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It's a beautiful day to live in the car!

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I cant believe

I now live in my truck... I am just... Wow. Talk about non-stop panic attacks. :(

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ARG!!! Why? If it's not one thing it's another.

So I have been patiently waiting to hear about the application on the new apartment... so today I finally went up to the office and found out that they haven't even begun processing the application yet. They are waiting to hear from Cutter's Grove on their portion of my rental history... WTF! They have had that information for a full week. ARG!

So.. I called Cutter's Grove, they tell me they have tried time and time again to fax the info off as well as making phone calls to see why the fax hasn't worked. The rental office at the new place insists they have received no faxes or phone calls from Cutter's Grove. I offer to be the go between, but of course I might alter the info, so that is a no go. The places aren't even 5 freaking miles apart! WTF for real!

Beyond that... I find out that it will take at LEAST 48 fucking hours to run the background check to make sure that I am not a bad, bad girl. So... I have put all my money into staying off the street while hoping to get into this apartment... the other part into getting the apartment... I am BROKE! I can't afford to stay anywhere else at this point if I want any hope of getting an apartment and it seems that it's all because of a lack of communication, work ethic or dedication with Cutter's Grove, the new place or both. ASSHOLES!

I'm sorry, I really needed to get that off my chest. My gods.

You know what would help a ton?

Child Support Case With: RAY SHROCK

Total Owed by Obligor 5,025.33

He is getting further and further behind, while living in a nice 5 bedroom home with his girlfriend and her children. Maybe he should give us the house for arrears and live on the street for a while, seems like it would be fair. Oh and on top of this, his goal is to go for custody of Dalton... what a &%#@, for real.

Waiting sucks

Everything is turned in for the application on the new apartment, all they needed today was proof of income... but I don't know when I will know if we're approved or not. I can't wait to get out of this "hotel", if that is what you can call it.

The new apartments don't look like anything spectacular but here is a pic from the rental site.

Heritage Heights

Apartment interior

One of two pools

The floor plan we applied for

I have no idea if we'll be approved or not, but I am very hopeful. If it isn't approved, then we will be on the street. 

We're here... for now...

This is where we're at for the time being. We have this room for one week, Saturday, September 4th through Saturday, September 11th at noon. Karl and I have an app in for a new 2 bedroom apartment, I am hoping like mad that we get it. Between the cost of temporary stays and the cost of applications and deposits on a new place, I am officially and completely broke.

Sleeping area

Kitchen area

Bathroom

Very small room...

and to top it off it's not cheap...

Oh and to top it all off, there are no dishes, no silverware, no cookware, nothing what so ever to facilitate eating. Can't afford to eat out and can't afford to cook... this is going to suck!

Housing update... kind of

I am betting if you've been following my blog at all, you're wondering what happened once the homeless countdown hit 0. Well, the answer is fairly simple, we are officially homeless. A lot has happened in the past 6 or so days, I have a lot I intend to post to fill in those blanks. For now, however, I though I would let you all know that while we are homeless, I've managed to keep some form of a roof over our heads thus far.

A few nights were spent at the AmericInn, but that was far too expensive to keep up with. We have now rented a room at the InnTown Suites, that should get us through until next Saturday.

As for upcoming housing, I found a 2 bedroom apartment which I will be hopefully renting with a roommate. The application and app fees have been turned in, alone with a $300 deposit to hold the place in hopes that we're approved. That along with food, fuel and rooms rented renders me -$60, I am hoping some sort of child support comes through before we are officially approved for the apartment so that check doesn't bounce.

At any rate, this is just a quick note to let y'all know that we aren't quite on the street yet and we are hopefully avoiding that.

If you've read this, thanks for caring, even if you care maliciously, you're still thinking of us. :p

I think it is time to ask for help.

Seriously, in about 7 hours, the kids and I will be down to 10 days before we are homeless.

Please, if you don't have an idea, if you don't have a way to help, maybe you can share my blog with others. Maybe someone, somewhere will know of something I haven't tried. Maybe someone would exchange money for work I could do for them from home, assuming I get a home. I am desperate. All the programs for people in my situation are closed, even the waiting lists, which are years long, are closed.

I've been stuck in my apartment riddled with stress and anxiety over this, which doesn't help, I know it doesn't. But at the same time, there is a reason I am considered disabled and receive disability. It's because of my anxiety.

What I am asking is, if you cannot help, maybe you can just re-post a link to my blog. Maybe someone out there, can help or knows someone.

What do I do? What can I do? I think my heart is breaking.

I think I am going insane, not in the clinical sense.. well hell... who knows in what sense. I am a mess.

Facing what is now or will soon be 12 days until I have no home. Knowing I have no money to get or keep a home, knowing I have not 1, not 2, not even 3.. but 4 children to provide for. Children that need a home, stability; a stable environment, a stable school system, a stable role model. I have been struggling to be, to find and/or provide for them these things over the last 16 years. Clinging to every thread that resembles any of these things, trying to make those strings into a rope, a rope, which I haven't even accomplished... into a basket or something more substantial. At this point though, I think I'd settle for just a string. I have lost them all.

Why can't I provide even the basics like a roof, for my children... or myself? I honestly don't know. Past life karma? My anxiety or agoraphobia? Maybe I am just a horrible person. I don't know. I honestly do not know.

At this point, I am so stressed, so angry, so upset, so anxious, so sad... I've been pushing away those around me. Not for lack of needing or wanting them around me, maybe for their protection? I can't seem to stop snapping at people, making rash, snap decisions and unfortunately having the conviction to stick to those decisions... at least initially.

I am sitting here, trying hard not to cry yet again. Wondering how many people before me went through this very thing. How many people felt these exact same feelings? I have put in time in soup kitchens and clothing closets for the homeless, never thinking that I would be on the other side of those lines, but always subconsciously hoping, that if I ever got to this point, that I had a strong enough support system to get me beyond it. Wondering why those people didn't have that support. (Irony? The Verve Pipe - Bittersweet Symphony just came on Pandora.)

Tears are flowing free now, I can't help it. Here I am, pouring out my heart to strangers, friends both old and new, family... anyone who will click the link that I am going to be making public once this is complete... wondering and worrying about what kind of judgement people are going to make about me. I of course didn't ask for this, I don't think anyone ever would, but a wise person told me that our lives are really a series of choices and where we end up is a result of those roads we chose. I apparently chose horribly.

I struggle not to beg for help. I struggle to keep my composure, I struggle not to just let myself be swallowed whole by the overwhelming depression that comes with what I am feeling. I don't judge myself for that, I imagine it's a natural reaction to what I am going through. (Whew, Smashing Pumpkins - 1979 maybe it will quell the tears for a while.)

Since I began this blog, I have had a few readers, a few angels trying to help, with words or other means of support. Mrs. Abby Flaten went so far as to cover my children's school supply needs. I am grateful for any and all help. But I still, I don't even know. I need something. Some sort of help, because I am in a hell right now and I can't see my way out, no matter how bright a candle I hold.

What I have written to this point, is but a blur in my mind. I know what I am thinking, what I want to say, but I would have to go back and read what I have written to see what I have said. I am sure that sounds completely odd, and I am not going to go back, I don't want to change anything. It is all honest and pure. So, forgive me any possible typos, misspellings and grammatical mistakes I may have made. Try to see beyond that and read this post for what it is. Do I know exactly what it is? No. I might be venting, it might be a cry for help... or hell maybe I am just in a pit of a very deep self pity party. Either way, thank you for taking the time to read this. I needed to say it.

Under 2 weeks to go: Song of the day: BangBangBang - Group X

Okay. I am not going to whine today. But I am still open to taking helpful suggestions! Enjoy today's song of the day... Group X - Bang Bang Bang