Vikings WIN!

Thank gods the Vikings won today.

Yep. I posted just that.

Pregnancy and Anxiety... oh my!

I am so determined to get beyond the anxiety and have a healthy happy, stress free (wishful thinking I'm sure) pregnancy. I am attending therapy, I am crocheting like it is going out of style, I am doing the Qigong I have learned in therapy and also the acupressure tapping techniques I've learned... but I still feel something is lacking.

I really, really, really want a prenatal yoga DVD. After reading all the reviews the one I have linked here seems to be the best. So, if anyone is feeling generous >.< I would gladly receive and use this. It feels SO tacky to ask... however I believe the sooner I start it the better, fitness and anxiety wise.  

For that matter, beyond the yoga DVD, I am open to other suggestions to help with my anxiety while pregnant as the one medication that helps with anxiety is class D, which means it very well may harm the baby. I am stuck with using Benedryl when I panic now. Ish, that stuff knocks me out.

What a gorgeous day!

So gorgeous and I am so tired! I just have to remember the first tri sleepies only last so long. Maybe I'll nap and then take the kids for a walk to do some photography. They could snap pics with their DSi(s) and I could use my camera... might make for a great POV collage.

Yep, I think that is what we'll do today. I can't wait to see if we can get some great pics as a group!

I found this today lol

I think I am going to use it. Nobody has said a word to me, but I am pretty sure my parents are getting grilled on or at least asked about me being "pregnant again".

So...

• Yes I am pregnant with baby #5. 
• Yes I am already in a tight financial situation and that sucks.
• Yes I am excited and happy about this baby!
• No I didn't try to get pregnant, it was a surprise from the Gods.
• No I will not abort or give the baby up for adoption.
• No I don't care what you think if you're going to be negative.

I think that covers the basics. Heck, I remember just over 6 years ago when I was pregnant with Emma the dirty looks and stares I got for having a 4th child. What's funny though is... I am one of 4, my dad is 1 of 5, my mom is one of 6 (R.I.P. Grams and Auntie Roberta). Even if I had 20 kids (O.O) it wouldn't be for anyone else to judge. No matter what you believe, unless you're Atheist or Agnostic... you have no "right" to judge me in (the) Gods eyes. 

If you read this and you've spoken to my parents about my pregnancy... no, they didn't  say anything to me, it was more what I picked up on in passing, so don't run off to my parents whining that they talked to me about you talking to them. I'm not sure who has or who hasn't, but I have a fairly good idea. :p

I love this baby, I have loved it since the moment I knew I was pregnant, just as I love each and every one of my already born children. If you can't handle it, get over it or ignore it, it will save us both a lot of grief. <3

I think I am too tired to sleep!

Spending 6 hours a day in my new therapy is paying off. My anxiety is greatly reduced. However that is 6 hours I can't nap for and apparently when I get home it takes me too long to get a reasonably times nap. I asked about adding naps into therapy, but they didn't think insurance would go for it. :p

Then again, it's been a roller coaster over the past few days. I went into the ER with some cramping in my "lower right quadrant" causing them to do an U/S and subsequent blood tests. Initially they were worried I was losing the pregnancy and they're still concerned it might be an ectopic... however the lack of cramping at this point seems to make that less of a concern as well. My beta hCG levels have been good and I should have another U/S next week to rule out an ectopic pregnancy, but what a scary thing to go through.

With that said, however, I know without a doubt, despite this being a "surprise" baby, I don't want to lose it. So I am hoping for a smoother ride from here on out. I did crochet 3 scarves over the last 3 days trying to keep my mind of it though, which is great. I am that much closer to having a decent amount to donate. :)

Busy day today!

I have to start out the morning by calling my financial worker and chewing her out. It seems she STILL has not fixed HER mistake and I now do not have insurance to start the Partial program I am supposed to begin today for treatment and therapy of my anxiety. Can't call her until 8 or 8:30 though... so I have to just be content with getting ready for the day that may or may not happen.

Assuming I get a hold of her on time, I am supposed to also be to Mercy Hospital by 8:30 to register for the partial program with registration. Up to Partial by 9 and then leave there for a short break by 10:15 so I am able to find parking for my WIC appointment. I already have all my papers gathered for that so I am ahead of the game there... Once that appointment is done I head back to Mercy and if I am lucky I may have time for lunch before heading back to the Partial program.

I have to wonder what I would entertain myself with if I didn't have all of this wonderful stress in my life.

Oh and at some point I have to locate my polling place so I can vote for the better of the two evils. I hate that shit.

Blah! Anxiety sucks!

I am trying so hard to get off of the Klonopin that I am on. The one med that has been effective in treating my anxiety off and on for years... but there is apparently no "safe" alternative. To top it off, I can't just stop taking the Klonopin as it apparently has some very wicked withdrawal side effects.

It's SO frustrating. However today at therapy they invited me to try a new program also through Mercy. It's called the partial program and it's significantly more intense than the therapy I am getting now, as well as allowing me the ability to see a Psychiatrist daily rather than waiting months to get in to one. I am hoping that would help with med changes as I've had to depend on only myself so far with tapering off the other meds.

I effing hate anxiety, agoraphobia and depression. They suck. :(