I found this today lol

I think I am going to use it. Nobody has said a word to me, but I am pretty sure my parents are getting grilled on or at least asked about me being "pregnant again".

So...

• Yes I am pregnant with baby #5. 
• Yes I am already in a tight financial situation and that sucks.
• Yes I am excited and happy about this baby!
• No I didn't try to get pregnant, it was a surprise from the Gods.
• No I will not abort or give the baby up for adoption.
• No I don't care what you think if you're going to be negative.

I think that covers the basics. Heck, I remember just over 6 years ago when I was pregnant with Emma the dirty looks and stares I got for having a 4th child. What's funny though is... I am one of 4, my dad is 1 of 5, my mom is one of 6 (R.I.P. Grams and Auntie Roberta). Even if I had 20 kids (O.O) it wouldn't be for anyone else to judge. No matter what you believe, unless you're Atheist or Agnostic... you have no "right" to judge me in (the) Gods eyes. 

If you read this and you've spoken to my parents about my pregnancy... no, they didn't  say anything to me, it was more what I picked up on in passing, so don't run off to my parents whining that they talked to me about you talking to them. I'm not sure who has or who hasn't, but I have a fairly good idea. :p

I love this baby, I have loved it since the moment I knew I was pregnant, just as I love each and every one of my already born children. If you can't handle it, get over it or ignore it, it will save us both a lot of grief. <3

One year ago today

It's been one year since I lost my Grams, it's been one year since we lost Grams. It's been a year.

I can't believe it's been a year, I still cry, I still miss her, I still wish we had more options at the time. However, in a years time, I have come to accept that we didn't have choices. I accept that Grams is in a better place, no matter what you believe in. I accept that Grams was ready to move on. She had told us so for a while.

I will never forget the day, I will never forget the moment she took her last breath. Such heartbreak for those of us still here, and at the same time, such relief for her and the pain she could no longer feel. I feel blessed, I spent so much time with her in her ICU room, I was the last one to hear the words "|I love you" from her. At least that I am aware of. I believe that is one of the last conscious, clear things she spoke towards the end. That is something that I will never forget.

I love you Grandma, so do the kids. We talk about you all the time still, your memory isn't anywhere near faded. We are all still healing, still recovering from losing you, but we'll get there. As a family and for our family, we will get there.

I love you so much and I miss you at least that much. I hope you know and can feel that.

You held my hand.