Count on my 5 year old

To brighten my day. "Mom, we are guardian angels, that's why we have all of our angel kisses!" Angel kisses is what I have always called those little tiny spots on skin, like a mole, maybe they're moles...  http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Birthmark this is the Wiki I got when I googled angel kisses. Maybe I'm right, maybe I'm wrong, but still, it's cute none the less.

I know I've posted this before...

But omg I cannot seem to sleep lately.

Let's see... stress, maybe that has something to do with it... what is there?

• 25 days left to pack all of our stuff up.
• 25 days left to find, plant and harvest a money tree.
• 25 days left to find a place to live with money from said tree, because I can't get shit with $200.00/month.
• 25 days left to figure out which direction I can handle my life taking.
• Find a place to put the boxes I've managed to pack.
• Get the kids ready to start the next school year, supplies and clothes.
• Wait to hear from the court on the child support modification Ray wants.
• My ex-husband is acting like a whiny bitch. (sometimes I can't fault him for it, but stress none the less.)
• Anxiety.
• How and what to get Emma for her 6th birthday, on top of all the other money worries I have.

Shit, there is so much more I could list, but I wont. I don't even want to. I can't. It's too depressing. I never envisioned myself at this point. I can't believe how much stress there is just trying to keep myself and the kids from being homeless. UHG! 

So many views

And still no response. Ah well. I am done posting about people who cause crap or have caused crap in my life. They can have their own blog. Yep. Their very own blog. I don't mind telling people how much they screw up, but this blog is mine.

<3 a douche bag is you! <3

Just for y'all. Kisses!

A comment re-post

As per Phenson's request, I am re-posting this so that my ex in-laws don't miss it. I think that is why I am re-posting. Either way, it's well worth doing.

Phenson said...

I support this post 100%, and to my ex-family (I consider myself an orphan) revel in the end result of your selfish, petty, and stubborn behaviors that pushed her where you always wanted her, away from me. Many times, completely distraught, crying, panicked, I pleaded and begged you not to exclude my wife the way you did. But you did not care, you couldn't stand that I ran away from you and was so happy with her. 

You crushed my whole world, you destroyed everything I ever truly loved, you killed the only thing I was sure of, the one thing I searched for so long to find. You didn't care how in love we were, how much we adored each other, how incredibly uncommon our bond was, she wasn't what you wanted for me, and you made it WELL known every single time we needed any kind of help and had to lean on you. You acted like borrowing money to us gave you the right to belittle, pass judgement, and be flat out cruel to my wife. Job well done, you got what you wanted, she's gone. But so am I, because before things snowballed with the divorce, YOU ignored the simplest of requests, you didn't like her and couldn't be bothered with making her feel welcome, you couldn't even go grocery shopping with her, you were always too busy. But you had plenty of time to gossip and talk shit about her behind her back, while lying to her face. You were too old, too lazy, too controlling, too busy, selfish, petty, hypocritical, stubborn, malicious, and jealous little bitches, and pissed on the one thing that made me truly happy to be alive. It has been 2 years, and NO, it has not gotten easier, I am in constant agony over losing her, agony over what my family put her through, agony over the things I let you beat into me and how I let you manipulate me into doing your will through my divorce, because that will never go away, I can never repair that damage, and it fucking hurts every moment of every day, watching her rebuild hers and the kids lives through the extra hardships we have caused for her and them. 

My broken heart, shattered dreams, and complete hopelessness comes from YOU, not her, and if it weren't for her, I'd have killed myself to escape this nightmare a long time ago, but it is her compassion that has intervened. I owe her my life, and I'll spend the rest of my life loving, caring, and helping her no matter where she is in life, because she deserves nothing less.

August 4, 2010 4:50 AM 

Oh Megan...

Hide my ass, doesn't work *that* well and it doesn't work at all when you're checking from your iPhone lol. You know, if you want to know about me so badly... you could always ask me.

You could have treated me better when I was married to your brother. You could have treated him better his whole life. You could get over yourself and realize how much you fuck up the lives of those who meet you. Poor Christy, never saw you coming when you stole her husband from her.

I would ask if it's painful for you to read that, but I know you're heartless. Hell, if it wasn't for your mom and your parents money, you'd have no one and nothing. Kind of sad.

No worries. I still love ya! Kisses! Oh, and give your mommy kisses for me too. <3 Oh, here is a reference book for your future surgery choices. Hope it helps!

I danced in the rain

In my cami and panties (boycut so they looked like shorts) tonight. Now, if you ask my ex in-laws... I am sure that would make me a whore. However, I am simply an earth loving pagan who was enjoying and rejoicing in the dance and the gift of rain. It was as if the earth mother herself gave me each precious droplet to dance in.

It was simply glorious! Just thought I'd share an upside to an otherwise seemingly unlucky life.

Homelessness....

I am about to experience it. Even options I thought might work, wont work now. So today, after crunching numbers... I came to the devastating conclusion that I cannot in any way afford to put a roof over my head or my children's heads.

I just don't know what to do at this point. Crying has done nothing. I guess I can attempt to keep hope, although I don't know if that is just going to end up making the end result worse when hope isn't enough.